Reflection This Week
THE NEED FOR MOURNING

   No one likes pain, at least no sane person desires to be in pain, pain of any kind, be that pain mental, physical or spiritual. When we are in pain, we want to get through it as quickly as possible; we want it to end and end now. Pain stops us dead in our tracks and prevents us from moving on when all we want to do us get on with our life, which we find difficult to do because of the pain we are in.

   There are those who will try to tell us that there is a quick fix to our pain and will try to sell us their version of that solution. Indeed, there are ways we can mask the pain, drugs of any sort, for instance; but they only mask it. They do not remove it and they often only make the problem worse. We may have discovered that over the years.

   That is not to say that we should not use proper and prescribed medication to reduce the pain we may be in. The point is that we must not allow the medication to so anesthetize us that we do not deal with the cause of our pain in the first place. We need to understand why we are in pain.

   That pain may be the result of sickness. It may be the result of some foolish action or accident. It may be because of the death of a beloved. There are many reasons why we find ourselves in pain. While dealing with the pain, we must also allow ourselves to mourn the loss, whatever the loss that has caused the pain: the loss of our health, the loss of our mobility, the loss of someone dear to us.

   The path to true recovery, the path through pain, goes through a period of mourning. We cannot, must not, should not rush our recovery else we will have to deal with the pain all over again. Sometimes, also, as I suspect we have learned from experience, we thought we were healed, that we had recovered from the pain and the loss, when it hit us like a ton of bricks all over again.

   The truth is that there are some losses we never get over, such as the loss of a child: the loss of a spouse, the loss of a part of our body. We will be in a state of perpetual grief. That does not mean we cannot move on, that will be stuck in the past for the rest of our lives. We will adapt to life without, without that which we have lost. We will be stuck in what was if we have tried to rush our recovery and moved on without allowing ourselves to mourn our loss.

   As I grow older, I am painfully aware, both mentally and physically, that I cannot do what I once could do. My body says “no” when my minds says “yes”. The loss of agility, the loss of strength, the loss of endurance is quite real. I do mourn the loss even as I deal with the reality of aging and know that there is no recovering of what was lost. I am adapting to life without that which has been lost while reminding myself that not all is lost. I am still alive and well and kicking! Life without is better than no life at all.

   No matter what our pain, no matter its cause, we must allow ourselves the time to deal with its reality, not to minimize it or hide it but to mourn what we have lost. In the end we will find resurrection, new life, and we will be prepared to live it to the fullest.              WJP