RHS IS NOTHING NEW

   When I was first ordained, I heard confessions on a regular basis and on a regular basis would hear the laments of many housewives. “He’s driving me crazy, Father.” “Who?” I asked. “My husband. He’s retired and all he does is follow me around the house all day. He’s driving me crazy.” “Oh!” was about all I could say. What did I know about any of this? I was a twenty-seven-year-old celibate who did not have a clue about love and marriage and certainly about retired husbands driving their wives right up the wall.

   As I think about those early days of my ministry, I realize that these truly desperate housewives did not expect me to have any answer to their problem. They just wanted to vent and I was a safe venting haven and they knew it even as they knew I had no idea what they were talking about. Of course, what they were complaining about was and is nothing new even though they now have a name for this problem. It is called RHS, Retired Husband Syndrome.

   The truth is one does not have to be retired to drive one’s spouse crazy. Just ask my wife! The interesting aspect about this is that there is no RWS. Why is it that wives do not drive their husbands crazy? I never heard a husband complain about his wife following him around the house all day, looking over his shoulders, asking why he was doing what he always did. I think I know why there is an RHS but not an RWS, but I won’t go there. It would be incriminating.

   However, the reason for RHS notwithstanding, there is a solution to lessening the effect it has on one’s spouse even though there may not be a cure. Men, being what we are – dependant, needy, almost helpless left on our own (whether we admit this truth or not), which, to tell the truth, is the reason why we inflict RHS on our wives – can do something to help our wives. And that is simply to do something.

   The fact is that we are. We are doing something – retired husbands, not-yet-retired husbands and wives. We are doing many things, perhaps too many things. We do not have time to follow our spouse around the house. I suspect that if I were to hear confessions today on a regular basis, I would hear not about RHS but about NETIDS – Not Enough Time In the Day Syndrome. People are busier now in retirement than they ever were.

   RHS may be alive and well. But it does not seem to be as prevalent as it once was. The antidote is simple: do something. Get involved. Give of our time to those who can use our talents and not waste time driving our spouse or anyone else crazy. Unfortunately, NETIDS seems to be an epidemic and it is not relegated just to those who are retired. Teenagers and adults of every age are similarly affected. We are too busy, sometimes so busy that we do not make the time to be with our spouse – or our children or our parents. We are so busy that our own health is at risk. Crazy, isn’t it?

   The point at hand is about how we use our time. Those with too much time on their hands and those with not enough and those caught in the middle – all of us and each of us – need to make time to examine how we use our time. That is a responsibility we cannot and must not either take for granted or make light of. It is truly incumbent upon us as Christians to use the time God has given us well and wisely. As RHS and NETIDS remind us, if we do not, we can easily cause mental anguish to those we love and physical harm to ourselves as well.          WJP