3 Pentecost June 16, 17 2007
The Rev. Barbara Schlachter

If you look on the cover of your bulletin today, you will see the word “forgiveness.”  If you were here last Sunday, you will know that we are lifting up gospel words during this season of summer, words that describe Jesus’ earthly life and concepts that should be shaping us as Christians who attempt to walk in his steps.  We have selected the most important values in each of the gospels of the summer. 

Twelve words for twelve Sundays—it makes me think of the old Wonder bread commercial:  Wonder bread builds strong bodies in twelve different ways.  Well, we could paraphrase that and say Jesus is the Wonder Bread that builds strong bodies—or a strong body—the family or the church—in  twelve different ways.

Today we look at the way Jesus demonstrated the quality of forgiveness.  The Gospel story of the woman who breaks in uninvited at the home of a Pharisee where Jesus was invited for a meal is one of the great gospel stories that shows  Jesus’ amazing ability to accept people, understand them, and help them receive God’s forgiveness.

This is a story I have pondered often over the years.  At times I have seen myself as this unknown, unnamed woman wanting to offer the same kind of devotion to Jesus in thanksgiving for a forgiveness offered to me.  At times I have realized that I have been the judgmental and non-hospitable Pharisee who failed to offer what I could have and perhaps should have to another who was in my house, ie, my family or the church.  And at other times, at my best times, I have been given the grace to offer to another human being the love and acceptance and the assurance of God’s forgiving love for a person who was weighed down with regret, shame, sinfulness, or some other immense burden.

The grace that Jesus offers this woman is not only the forgiveness of her sin, but the acceptance of her gift.  This expensive ointment—he doesn’t say you should have given that to the poor.  He doesn’t reject her offer of intimacy ooh, don’t touch me, what do you think you are doing kissing my feet—ugh!  He receives her tears and her touch—he knows she is showing great love because she has been or wants to be forgiven, and out of this need, this knowing that wholeness is hers or will be hers again, she gives her most precious ointment, tears and kisses to Jesus.

And he tells her that her sin has been forgiven, that her faith has saved her and she can go in peace.

When Jesus tells the parable of the forgiven debtors in the middle of this scene, the host who has criticized Jesus finally understands that those who feel their sin the most may also feel God’s love the most.   As we have come to expect however, most of the folks who were there at the dinner don’t get it and implicit in their words, “who is this who even forgives sins?” is criticism.   Who does he think he is?

After all, temple sacrifice was how sins were forgiven.  Jesus is performing bypass surgery here, by forgiving her sins directly, challenging the complex system created to put power in the hands of a few rather than letting each and every heart seek, find and celebrate forgiveness directly from and with God.

I haven’t forgotten that today is Father’s Day.  It is a day to pay tribute to the men who sired us and who raised us, not always the same man, not always only one man. If we are lucky, we have had a number of loving men in our childhood years. 

Fatherhood can often be a tough road, just like motherhood.  There are times when it seems not much fun but a whole lot of work and sometimes anguish.  It is not easy to be a parent in this very complicated world into which we bring our children, and we know that not every man is cut out to be a father.

Jesus had a relationship with his Abba, his Father-God,  that was extremely important to him.  He prayed to him, he felt his presence with him.  Perhaps this was because Joseph died when he was very young or perhaps it was because he was bothered by stories about his questionable parenthood.  Perhaps it was because he spent a lot of time with his Abba and it was a reflection of the intimacy he felt with him. 

For every woman who cannot stand to call God father because of her own difficult relationship with her own father, there must be at least one who is given hope that the way God and Jesus were close is the way that fathers are really supposed to be.

So when we see Jesus offering acceptance, forgiveness, and compassionate love, we can take heart that this is the way God wants to relate to each of us and that we are to relate to the other people in our lives, perhaps especially to our families. 

We can hurt no one any worse than we can hurt the people who love us.  The words “I love you” and the words “I forgive you, will you forgive me,” need to be ready to spill from our lips and our hearts.

Parents inevitably hurt their children through misunderstanding if nothing else, and children can say pretty mean things to their parents. Words slip out, attitudes are transferred from a bad situation at work or school to the home, emotions get out of control.   Blessed are the families who have a vocabulary that includes forgiveness.  Not cheap words, but heartfelt words followed by changed actions.

Nothing undermines a relationship faster than holding on to simmering resentments or refusing to truly forgive a partner or spouse, a parent or a child.  God offers us forgiveness—can we offer anything less to one another?

Yesterday in the paper a BC cartoon seemed to say it well:  The little ant is looking up to his father ant on top of the anthill: “Hey Dad, what mysterious force keeps me from being hurtled into space”  The father replies, “My forgiving nature.”

I encourage you all today, whether you are fathers or mothers or children—and that includes all of us because no matter how old we get we are still somebody’s children, to look deep into our hearts for any polyps of unforgiveness that need to be excorcized, whether that is forgiveness to be given or to be asked for.  There is no time like the present time to ask for or to offer forgiveness—unless you are waiting for the deathbed, and that can be a bit tricky because we don’t always know when that moment will be.

Fortunately, even our relationships with those who have died can even be reconciled through Christ, perhaps with the help of a priest or a therapist, but why wait if you could possibly enjoy forgiving love now in this life?

What is most important is the desire to live the forgiven life.  The unnamed woman was not embarrassed by her actions, although she might well have been.  Her desire for forgiveness and her loving thankfulness more than took care of any image problem she might have had.  Being cool and having the desire to live a forgiven life may not go together well. It can be hard to humble ourselves, esp. if we think we are the wronged one.  Yet holding onto a grudge or resentment means that we also need forgiveness, no matter what was done to us in the first place.

Our desire to live the forgiven life, to offer acceptance to our dear ones requires a lot of trust.  We don’t offer forgiveness and acceptance because they have chosen to live out of our expectations for them, but because we have finally decided it’s more important to trust they are or are becoming who God has intended them to be.  That doesn’t mean we don’t show concern or set boundaries.  It means we are careful how we do it, so that along with the good advice and counsel or rules there is a sense that it is coming from love and fairness and not from fear and anger.

In my work as a family therapist, I teach that there should be no cheap shots, that there are four “ames” not to engage in:  no shames, no blames, no names, no games.  We don’t shame a child, we don’t blame others, we don’t call anyone names, and we don’t manipulate with games.  Instead, of shaming, we teach the better behavior.  Instead of blaming, we model taking responsibility when we have screwed up.  Instead of name calling, we use words that describe the actions we find offensive. Instead of manipulating and playing games, we communicate directly what we feel, need and want.  This is giving and forgiving love in action in the family.

On this Father’s Day, in this season of strawberries and other wonderful fruits, let us celebrate the fruits of forgiving, accepting love and offer it to those we love.  You could even have a strawberry ritual this afternoon.  Buy some berries and sit around a table and offer one another a strawberry of forgiving love.  You might not touch anyone’s feet, but you might touch some hearts.  Amen.