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Finally a Barbie I can
relate to. At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with
her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...
1. Bifocals Barbie.
Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors
(half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and
Martha Stewart Living.
2. Hot Flash Barbie.
Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny
drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and
tiny tissues.
3. Facial Hair Barbie.
As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with
teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
4. Flabby Arms Barbie.
Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,roomier-sleeved gowns. Good
news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included.
5. Bunion Barbie. Years
of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on
Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and
plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
6. No-More-Wrinkles
Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin
Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting
cosmetics.
7. Soccer Mom Barbie.
All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts
off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr.. Comes
with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut
holes and fruit punch.
8. Mid-life Crisis
Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change and Alonzo (her
personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac.
They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to
open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to
Do."
9. Divorced Barbie Sells
for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
10. Recovery Barbie. Too
many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she
does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to
meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a
six-pack of Diet Coke.
11. Post-Menopausal
Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she
puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the
couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends
and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with
Your Inner Self" is included.
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